What do you do when you can’t make a decision?
Uncertainty has to be the most crippling state of mind for me. I’m not one who is usually indecisive. However, right now I’m faced with a decision that makes my brain hurt every time I think about it. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do…prayed, searched the Scriptures, sought good counsel, and made a pros & cons list. Still no answer. In fact, I’m not any closer to discerning what to do then I was a year ago when I first brought this situation under consideration.
So now what?
I’ve determined there are only two answers
1) I don’t care enough about this to risk making a decision.
2) I care so much I’m terrified of making the wrong decision.
Everyone I’ve talked to tells me to wait…be still and wait until God makes the direction clear. If I’m being honest here, either of the reasons for my not moving forward ooze with fear. If I’m afraid to move forward, is my ‘waiting’ just a self-righteous posture for hiding? If so, that’s makes me feel really lame…lame that I don’t trust God more, lame that I’ve let this thing become such a roadblock, lame that I’ve let fear have so much power in my life.
What I’ve decided today is that fear doesn’t just make feel lame, it really does paralyze and keep us from doing what we were created to do…enjoy (trusting) God! It’s time for this Gideon to get out of the winepress. One thing I’m learning is that no matter where your ‘hide out’ is–a winepress, a relationship, a job–they will all suffocate the vitality of faith out of us. We weren’t created to hide–even though it’s a human condition to do so (see Gen. 3)…hiding is cowardly, no matter how nobly you dress it up.
So today instead of asking God what should I do, I am going to ask Him how He would like me to enjoy trusting the sufficiency of His plans and purposes! Today, no hiding. Only seeking!