I’ve been having a frequent conversation with myself. It goes something like this:
Self: “There’s this problem and it looks like…”
Other Self (that’s a problem, huh?), responding to Self: “I don’t understand.”
So many conversations, so many sleepless nights, so many “thinking it through” walks have ended with “I don’t understand.”
The frustration of it all! I like to figure stuff out. I enjoy finding an answer to a difficult question.
I hate it when reason or solutions evade me. I hate it when things don’t add up or don’t make sense. I hate it when life just hangs over me with its looming umbrella of a question mark.
“O, LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother. My soul is like a weaned child within me. O, Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever.” ~Psalm 130
The reality is that there are things in life–many things–that are just too big for us. It’s humbling to admit and contrary to our “wikipedia” mentality that there are “great matters” we will face and when we do, we’re not always going to get an answer, an explanation, or a solution. Sometimes, the Lord just leaves us with the question and then asks if we will trust Him if He’s the only one who will ever understand it.
I’m using some of my personal conundrums to trust the Lord in ways I haven’t before. I’m still praying for wisdom and understanding. Clearly, part of learning to trust the Lord is to learn from the lessons He teaches. Yet I am also accepting that in His school of arithmetic two plus two does not always equal four. Trust requires the most energy when life isn’t making sense. Trusting the Lord acknowledges that life just isn’t making sense to me…it is making perfect sense to Him.
Are you having to trust the Lord with something that doesn’t make any sense? Put your hope in Him.