I have a confession to make.
There are a lot of times that I read the red letters and I have absolutely.no.idea what they mean.
When I read in the gospel stories how Jesus rolls his eyes and shakes his head in dismay at the obtusity of the disciples, I feel smug. “If I were there I would certainly know what Jesus was talking about. I wouldn’t think that he was talking about actual bread when he speaks about the yeast of the Pharisees. How dumb can you be!”
Yet when I read just a few lines further and he says to them, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mk 8:21), I have to honestly admit, “No.” No I do not yet understand.
There are too many times that I don’t have a clue what Jesus is talking about.
There are too many times that I don’t understand his ways.
There are even more times that I know his asking me to come and follow him is like asking a dog to write with a pencil. I simply don’t have the mental thumbs to do it.
It’s such a bummer. I want to know what he is talking about. I want to understand his ways. I desire to follow him with insightful obedience. Instead I’m like the blind man who needs a double healing because for now there are still too many things about Jesus and his ways that “look like trees, walking” (Mark 8:24).
Do you ever feel like this? Do you feel frustrated that you look in the mirror and see such a dumb disciple staring back? Do you get discouraged that for all your days of walking with Jesus you’re still straining your ear to hear what it is he is truly saying?
Dear Jesus, I don’t get. So many times I just don’t what you’re talking about. Please reach out your hand and touch my eyes again. Thank you that even though my sight is blurred, you will continue to look at me intently. How grateful I am that your eyes are not clouded. You see accurately my deep desire to know you in truth and with understanding. You see without confusion my desire to seek you and behold your beauty. As with the many blind men who have gone before me, you can help me to see everything clearly with just the look of your eye…one day. Please help me. Amen