The Wrong Way to Defend Yourself {What I Couldn’t Find in Doug Wilson’s Response}

There’s no un-reading what you wished you hadn’t read.

I really, really, really wish that I had not read this today by Doug Wilson. It was his response to Rachel Held Evans about this.

I wasn’t going to say anything about it…I figured it would all get said. Both parties would sharpen one another and we’d all live happily ever after. I am always super optimistic that the Spirit is going to invite all kinds of enemies to dine together at the same table and serve them a feast of love, humility and truth and then send them out on the same road, traveling together under the banner of mutual subMISSION. We’re on a mission here, right? Same mission? No man (or woman) left behind?

Instead, I read it and I got heartsick. I tried to shake it with some housecleaning. Yes, housecleaning. Because sometimes when you are so upset about a whole lot of yuck, it helps to just clean something up. So I write this now several hours later having dusted, swept, dumped trashed and poured my heart out to God. And I as I did, I felt like the woman who lost a coin and was looking everywhere trying to find it (Luke 15:7-9). Except for a coin, I was looking for love. It’s lost and I am sweeping furiously to find it. I asked the Lord to light the lamp brighter.

With each swift of the broom I began to hear:

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” ~Galatians 6:1
“Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:25

“He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness.” ~Hebrews 5:2

Clearly, Doug Wilson thinks he’s right. Even if he is, has he defended himself the right way?

You know how I know someone loves me? When I’m wrong, they don’t gloat in that fact. They pursue me, get right next to me and gently help me to find the truth I’m missing.

Without love, we’re just a clanging gong. Well, I read that somewhere.

So two things:

1) You all know how much I struggle with the treatment of women. I don’t know if I’ve got my theology all right on this issue. I go to bed every night assuming I’m a little wrong here and a lot wrong there. However, I know Jesus immensely loves women and ALL of His promises are for women. That’s enough for me. I think that the Gospel has a hierarchy of priorities (more so than a hierarchy of people) and as such, its priorities should be informing my priorities; the Church’s priority. So if our first priority can’t be to have a message of love on any issue to which we speak, we should resolve to be silent. “They will know that you are my disciples by your love for one another.” ~John 13:35. I’m not saying these conversations shouldn’t be had, but the pugnacious snark and belittling is the very wrong way to have them. Dear world, if any of you are still listening, please plug your ears. We Jesus people are having a little moment here.  

2) I am really thankful for my husband. Really. Thankful.

Now, I know I’m just a nobody to the blogosphere and I hesitate to even enter into this. Something about pulling on a dog’s ear plays quietly in the background. Nonetheless, I figure I have a handful of readers who have been following this sad tale and maybe we can resolve together to keep lighting lamps until that lost coin is found.

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